THIS IS MY GRANDMA, NEENIE AND SOME OF HER OIL PAINTINGS.
If you are like me, I often just sit back and wonder why my God is so good to me.. I don’t feel worthy and I am certainly not doing anything of great value in this life, yet for some unknown reason, He continues to bless me over and over..
I stay in awe of the power of God in my life especially when I look back at the way my life began and the tragedies I have faced through losses due to several family members suicides as well as the murder of my grandmother; I often wonder how I have the life I live now..
Each day the loss of my family members and especially my grandmother, Neenie is always there. She and I had a special relationship. She was a unique individual and a grandmother that few had the privilige of knowing, but through Gods grace and mercy He knew that I needed this wonderful woman in my life to help me through the abuse and anxiety as well as the rejection I faced as a child. Without my grandmother I would not know the Lord. Without my grandmother I certainly would not be a walking testament of the power of the Lord in my life because I believe I would have made another choice to go down another path in life to escape the painful home life I encountered day after day. I was told once by a counselor/therapist that I was lucky that I had not ended up as a prostitute, drug addict or alcoholic due to the extreme circumstances I faced as a child and young adult.
I KNOW THAT I AM NOT IN THAT PLACE BECAUSE I HAD A PRAYING GRANDMOTHER AND A POWERFUL GOD that saw something in me that I certainly never felt at home from my parents or siblings. For that, I am forever thankful.
I miss my grandmother because I know she would love getting to see the way my life is unfolding and how I have grown in my walk with the Lord. I know she would be thrilled to have the opportunity to know my sons as adult men with their own lives and children, yet that was not in the cards for our family. It breaks my heart to know that my children did not get the opportunity to know this Godly woman who made such a difference in my own life, yet I hope by the way I live my life and the memories I share with my two sons, they have a small glimpse in to the power of one person in someones life as well as the power of ALMIGHTY GOD.
I truly believe that God has used my past to help others struggling with fear, anxiety, agoraphobia as well as horrific tragedies, but that will never take away the pain of loss. Yet, thankfully over time the pain diminishes and the memories grow sweeter instead of only being painful, but the loss will always be a part of my story. Tragedy changes a person and it certainly has the capability to make the person more thankful for those we love and the time we share, but often it makes the person only bitter, angry and resentful.
I was bitter at one point after such deep losses in a period of 6 years, but through much time, prayer, counseling and love, the pain, bitterness and anger is gone. I know that without trials, loss and often pain, God cannot work in our lives. According to Romans 8:28, God can use everything for His glory if we allow Him to take the reins. Giving up control has been the most difficult for me personally because I am very much a TYPE A personality but each day when I look at my life and the love that I have with my husband and children, I am thankful even for the pain I have felt and the loss I have suffered. Each day I feel…. WOW, this is my life.
I am married to the love of my life for 30 years; since he was 16 and I was 18 years old. I get to write about my life and lessons I am learning. I have the opportunity to connect with other great authors, bloggers and FB friends. Both hubby and I are healthy and happy. Our children are making their own paths and finding their own way. Life is good and for that I am forever thankful.
I am just an UNWORHTY WOMAN WITH A POWERFUL GOD…
This peace and purpose is available to all who call on the name of the Lord and ask Him to come live inside their hearts while confessing all of their sins. God offers forgiveness freely and holds no grudges. He remembers our sins no more after we confess them to Him. Today, God wants to connect with you and have a relationship that only You and He can have. It is easy. Just speak from your heart.. God Bless.
With God on our side; WE AlWAYS WIN… I WIN AND YOU WIN..