I have been reading a great book called ” The Unburdened Heart” by Suzanne Eller. The book is well written and offers very good insight on the subject of finding freedom to forgive.
This is a topic that I certainly needed to read at this point in my life. I have not always been a very good forgiver.. LOL.
How about you?
Do you struggle with forgiveness or does this come easily to you?
Suzanne offers some very valuable information throughout the book but one particular word she focused on really stuck with me.
The word is aphiemi which means to:
1. Send away
2. to let it die
3. to exchange for something else
4. to give up a debt
5. to forgive.
Suzanne discusses how when we use this word in relation to forgiveness it means we leave anger to find joy.
This is how I have felt much of the last two years. For most of my life I had held onto such anger and unforgiveness due to the way my biological family had always treated me and my family. I knew from as early as 4 or 5 years old that I was not really wanted. My parents had always made this very clear in the way I was treated but also the words spoken. Of course, this led to years of feeling so unworthy in every way and having no self-confidence. Relationships were damaged because how can you love someone else when you have no idea how to love yourself. You certainly have no capability of allowing another person to truly love you because they don’t know the real “you” like your biological family does. This was the cycle I found myself in for years and year.
I would try to be a good wife, mother and friend but I really had no clue as how to make that happen. I knew that I loved my children and husband, but until I came to accept the fact that God loved me for ME, then I would never be able to love my children or husband properly either. This was the constant battle because I heard from my parents and siblings over and over for 40 years how crazy I was because of the anxiety and panic attacks, but also how big a mistakes I was in general. I didn’t see myself as a mistake but I always believed what was spoken over me and my life. Evil and malicious words were the normal part of those relationships, so that is what I believed.
My relationships struggled because I didn’t see myself as anyone of value. How could anyone else love me when my own parents and siblings didn’t?
This was the inward struggle. Yet, after reading Suzanne’s book I have come to understand that by the neglect and abandonment of my family repeatedly over my lifetime, I had no way of having a clear view or understanding of God and HIS love for me. It distorted everything I did or didn’t do. Nothing was clear because my view of God was unclear. Until that became clear, no other relationships would work nor would I find the freedom to be myself.
The two are connected
and there is no separating them.
Without our view of God being correct, our lives will constantly spin out of control and all of our relationships will suffer.
The past two years I have learned more about myself than I had the previous 44 years.
One thing I have learned is that God loves me, designed me and has a great plan for my life.
Without Him in my life, I am nothing.
I am thankful that my heart is becoming more and more free from un-forgiveness and finding happiness to the fullest.
Isn’t God good?
I am thankful that God did not give up on me even when I gave up on myself.
I would highly recommend this book by Suzanne Eller.