FREE

FREE: Follow up on my word for 2013

The end of last year, I made a choice to focus on the word FREE for the year of 2013.

Needless to say, the ride has been both exciting and nerve wracking at times.

God has done a tremendous work in a once fearful, anxious and also agoraphobic woman.

I still have many strides to make in this journey out of fear, but I am so very thankful for the place I am currently in.

Two years ago, I could not even ride in a vehicle without having full blown panic attacks and totally be in a state of fear. I also had not had a vacation out of town in over 10 years, but the last two years my family and I have traveled on four different trips. We have made memories, visited family and put the enemy in his place.

That has been the sweetest part:

Putting the enemy in his place

He has no power over me and my freedom any longer.

For years, I lived my life believing the fear would always be part of my life but God has totally healed me from the fear, anxiety and agoraphobia. I still have a few goals to meet in the new life I have now, but I know God will walk with me just as He has each day.

I look forward to the next step God has planned for me.

I am thankful for the freedom I currently have, yet I know with God all things are possible.

Thankful for being FREE

free cage

Free from:

Anxiety

Fear

Agoraphobia

Past Dysfunctional Relationships

Self-Hatred

Self-Doubt

Believing the Worst

Today I am THANKFUL

Advertisements

Five Minute Friday: Fly

In Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday, other bloggers and writer write for Five Minutes about one word. A word which deeply spoke to me.

This week the prompt is the word FLY

Fly, sweet girl. You are free to fly and become all God created you to be. You have lived in the shadow of fear, anxiety and agoraphobia far too long. Why have you hidden your beautiful self? Why have you doubted all I have made you to be?

You are called to a new place and a beautiful purpose. Now it is time to find your wings and become all I have called you to be. Move forward and live a life full of wonder, happiness and purpose. Nothing in the past can hold you any longer. The past has been a learning process that has made you who you are today. The past will help you on the next path I have called you to walk. The past is part of you but it is not YOU. You can now move on.

You have lived a life that has been full of pain, fear, anxiety and many tragedies, but yet you have survived to live a new life on this next journey we are going to take together.

I am excited and now it is time to FLY.

Live big

Dream big

Find your purpose

birds flying

Photo Credit

Deposit Photos

Linking up with

Lisa Jo Baker

Write the Vision

writing journal

Writing the Vision

Have you ever thought about writing your goals and visions down?

My family has done this for several years. We write our prayers, visions and dreams down on small cards. Then we take those cards and put them in a small box. At the end of the year we like to go back and look at what God has done in our family and our own lives individually.

It has been great to see the amazing things God has performed in our lives.

From small prayers such as:

Full time job for son

Full time job for Angie

Mike’s business to grow

To larger dreams and goals such as:

Moving forward with my new ministry

Having my own “real” website designed specifically for me

Freedom from fear, anxiety and agoraphobia

Financial prosperity

The new year is almost upon us, so now is the perfect time to focus on what you want for your family and yourself in the next year. These goals, dreams and prayers could range from spiritual aspects to overall family goals. I truly believe when we seek God’s will for our lives and the lives of our family, friends and churches, HE hears our prayers. Sometimes the prayer is not answered exactly as we wish, but none the less, it is answered.

Answered either with

Wait

No

or Yes

In God’s word it says, ” Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets. That he may run who reads it for the vision is yet for an appointed time.”  Habakkuk 2: 2-3

God knows our hearts even better than we know them ourselves. Nothing is hidden and nothing is a shock to him.

Be bold and brave in your goals, dreams and prayers. He wants the best for His children.

Reminding You Today:

You are loved

You are beautiful

You are special

GOD LOVES YOU.

I love each one of my readers. I am sorry I haven’t been very good at replying to the comments, but for some reason I have issues with my wordpress site. I hope when my new website is up and running the issues be repaired. God Bless and please know I appreciate all of the readers, comments and followers.

Linking up today with:

Simply Beth

Beauty in His Grip

My Daily Walk in his Grace

Jennifer Dukes Lee

Prowess and Pearls

Little R&R

Moving Forward

block free2

Wednesday, I fasted and prayed.

I believe God heard my prayers, so now I must wait.

The battle has been long and difficult, but I am not going to give up or give into the enemies lies.
My God did not set me free so that I could go back into the darkness again.

He called me to heal the brokenhearted and to offer hope to those in a place of darkness.

So, now I must move forward with the call God has placed on my life.

It won’t be easy because I know that each step I take forward, the enemy is waiting in the wings to want me to go two steps back.

Not going to happen.

This girl has faced more in her life than most will ever be able to comprehend, yet I am a fighter, an over-comer and a believer that no matter what happens, my God is ultimately in control.

Today I stand on the promises and wait for the answers.

There are lives and hearts at stake but God sees it all and understands exactly the anguish my heart is in, but it will not be for nothing.

My testimony will once again be for the LORD and HIS work in my life.

Moving Forward, but waiting.

Broken Heart Ashes

Broken

Rejected

Lost

Afraid

Hopeless

Yet, then God reminded me:

I am far from broken; because He is doing a new thing in my heart (Proverbs 27:19)

I am far from rejection: because He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I am not lost: because He sent His son to die on the cross for ME
( John 3:16)

I am to not be afraid: because He has called me out of the darkness and into the light. ( 1 Peter 2:9)

I am not hopeless: because hope always wins with God on my side (Psalm 62:5)

hope word

Some days my heart breaks and the weight of all of the pain is so overwhelming. I have wanted to give up. I have wanted to wall myself off once again from life, but I have done that before. (not good). I have searched my heart and know that I must move forward by being happy, whole and free from the past.

I cannot heal anyone else…

I cannot make anyone else want to be healed.

All I can do is pray and pray for those wounded souls involved in the relationship breakdowns within my family as well as keep moving forward into the light God has shown on my own steps.

Life is hard.

We often get battle weary, but God gives us strength for the next minute, hour and day. Then the next and the next.

Nothing is wasted; even the

Ashes from a Broken Heart.

One day it will all make sense

Until then, I pray, love, hope and move onto the next step of life.

Linking up with :

My Daily Walk in His Grace

Violet Imperfection

Simply Beth

Little R&R

Graced Simplicity

In Awe Today

YELLOW FLOWER FREE

Freedom is Sweet

Christ amazes me daily.

Today, a woman at our church told me that even when others would have given up in the face of such tragedy as mine, she was blessed to see my faith continue to stand.

I am in awe of God’s faithfulness to me and my family.

Even when the enemy continues to try and take my family in all form and fashion..

I will stand because I can look back and see HIS faithfulness and the healing HE has done in my life.

How about you?

Be thankful today. Remember where He has taken you from.

Linking up with Jumping Tandem,

Sandra Heskaking

Love Is Safe

Love is Safe

Do you agree with that statement?

I know personally that for years I truly believed that love was painful, hurtful and full of anger, yet over the last 30 years of being married to Mike, I have learned a different definition of love.

Oh, of course our story has not been perfect or free from hurt or pain, but I know the definition I have learned from being with Mike, is totally different from the “LOVE” my parents, siblings and other extended family has shown me.

Their love was exhibited in anger, abuse, neglect and damage to others I love or have loved.

This is not LOVE.. This is Hate and not anything I want to be a part of.

The love I have learned in the last 30 years will never make up for the lack of love and acceptance I didn’t receive in my childhood or teenage years, but a life well lived is often the best revenge.

I will not lose any more of my life to people that only wish to hurt me.

What are your views on this? Do you agree or are you a person that feels we are to stay connected to family no matter what they do or say?

I believe my life is so much better than theirs that they just cannot handle the reality of it.

I am not boasting.. I am just stating a fact.

They do not want me healed, happy or whole, yet God has called me out the past fear, anxiety, and agoraphobia just for that reason. I truly believe if God and I had not a “meet to” I would not be in the place I am in at this time. I probably would be dead due to the mental anguish I was constantly in because of the fear and anxiety.

God did a huge work in the life of a sinner when He healed me from the past abuse, neglect and fear, but when He told me ” You cannot go back”, I knew that I had to have boundaries.

Love is Safe.

Not perfect; Just safe.

Today, I want to offer you hope. Nothing you have faced in the past or even today is ever wasted, but I also know that God does not want me or you to keep going back to the “waste”, but to move forward to the place God has called us to be today. The past is over and all we have is today. You and I are both more than conquerors with Christ in our corner. I keep pushing forward and seeking the will of God. The enemy keeps trying but I keep fighting. How about you? Are you going to give up or keep fighting? Our God is bigger than anything the enemy can throw at us. Don’t forget that.. Fight and Win…

Where You Begin

Under the Weight of It All

I am breaking

Today, I am empty.

But today I will not allow the empty, broken feelings to become who I am.

Why would I allow the enemy to reach into my mind once again?

I am not a quitter and I am certainly stronger than anything this world can throw my way.

I may seem to be broken but I am redeemed by the power of Jesus Christ. He has set me free from anxiety, fear, abuse, neglect, dysfunction and  agoraphobia, so why would I quit now.??

Where You Begin Lord, is where I also where I begin. My life has not been easy on many levels, but I know that the past will not define my future.

Whether I am loved by my siblings and mother…

You Love Me..

My future is bright because the Lord has placed a call on my life to minister to others that struggle with fear, anxiety and agoraphobia. My life is not wasted and nothing I have dealt with will ever be wasted. God has a plan and His plan is for good in my life as well as the life of my husband, children and grandchildren.

Nothing is wasted.

I am worthy because God has called me worthy, loved, beautiful, chosen….

When God designed my birth family… there was issues, but even in that situation I have been an overcomer and survivor.

Once again, I will prove to those that want to beat me and my family down..

I will survive and we will always stand together. Nothing will ever change the reality of the past. But I will not allow the evil to define my future or the future of my children.

I am broken, empty and lost but it will be better tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

But their lives will still be the same..

Jealousy shows its ugly head once again.

Lord, today I want you to help me work on my heart. My heart is broken but it is not beyond repair. I have overcome so much and I know this is just another part of the story that must be played out. I know that the plans for me are for good. Romans 8:28. You see the hearts of those that are causing so much pain and damage to myself and my child.. You are the ultimate judge and jury. Hold them accountable but also hold me accountable for the heart I have. Keep my heart pure and true. Help me to forgive. Help me to be able to keep the boundaries in place and the safety measures in place. It breaks my heart that we as a family cannot be civil and kind to one another but this has been my life for so long I really know no other way.. Thankful today for the Godly man you gave me to love and be loved by for the last 30 years.

Linking back with:

More to Be

Rich Faith Rising

Heart Reflected

To Know Me

To know me, you would have to know me on many different levels.

For years I hid behind a wall that was so tall no one could get close. I hid behind a mask as well, pretending that all was well while on many levels, my life was a chaotic mess.

What do you look like behind the walls and masks?

Do you like yourself?

Do you enjoy being alone with yourself or do you always need others around?

Do you feel happy with your life or are you just pretending everything is okay?

Do you believe you are living a life full of purpose or just going through the motions?

I could say for many years; probably most of my life I could say I didn’t like myself, didn’t want to be alone and certainly was only going through the motions.

Life had dealt me a hand of many trials, tragedies and pain that I seemed to be unable to overcome.

Pain so deep that I often just wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Hurt2

Pain so deep that no one could understand.

Loss so painful…

Too much to handle, yet my life continued on no matter how desperately I often wished it would end.

Can you relate at all?

Life can be tough just in everyday life. But my life has been anything but normal.

Tragedy has followed my family in so many ways. Too painful to even describe on many levels because the reality is just so disturbing. Disturbing  images of loss of loved ones to suicides and murder are just too damaging to even describe, yet that is what I have had to live with in my own mind for over 20 years.

Yet, God has allowed me to overcome much of my painful past. He has done a tremendous work in my heart and mind over the last two years.  Freedom is possible.

I will never allow the enemy to speak to me of the past and try to control my present. The past will never be forgotten but the past is over. Today is all I am guaranteed. Tomorrow is not promised and the past cannot be changed, so why continue to live there.

Would you mind if I prayed for you?

Lord, I come to you asking you to allow freedom to come to the reader. Help them to find peace and freedom through Your Word and  to feel Your love in the situations they are facing. Help us to allow the walls and masks to be laid aside while we seek to find our true selves. Life can be a battle but the battle is ultimately won by Your Word and by the power of the blood. Evil has no power in our lives. Help us to know ourselves and to believe in ourselves. We deserve the best and often the best is misplaced in the battles of life but YOU have overcome the world by sending YOUR son Jesus Christ to live in our hearts. We believe and want the best, which also means we want to KNOW YOU and KNOW OURSELVES. Thank YOU, Lord for all YOU have done in my own life and for the continued peace. God, grant it to everyone reading this today.

Scars Are Beautiful

Scars make us or break us.

Scars can change our outward appearance or change the deep recesses of our inner being, but regardless of the place the scars take place, God can and will provide healing if we reach out to HIM.

Scars have made me who I am today on many levels.

Scars from the pain of my childhood as well the wonderful benefits my childhood held. My childhood was not all bad or damaging, but sometimes the pain overrode the good.

Scars from life…

Scars from tragedies that have followed my family. ( Multiple suicides and the murder of my grandmother)

Scars from anxiety, overwhelming fear and eventual agoraphobia.

Can you relate?

I also have scars on my body from surgeries, accidents and just dumb mistakes that have changed my outward appearance.  Still, I  have to remember  even though I am not perfect physically, God still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t see the scars as negatives, but HE sees them as a positive because He knows those experiences taught me lessons I could not have learned any other way.

 

 

Scars make us into the people we are today; whether we want them to or not. Life can be tough and often we get beat up in the process of learning lessons and fighting the battles we must face.

Battles of everyday life but also the battles to overcome the damage others have inflicted upon us.

Yet, God never leaves us in the state of damage if seek HIM and HIS will for our lives.

We can and will overcome. Nothing is impossible with God.

For with God nothing will be impossible. Luke 1:37

Today, I want to offer you hope. God can use whatever path you have walked in this life; whether easy or tough. He wants to use your story to help someone else facing the same thing in their own life. If you keep quiet, who benefits from the losses you have faced?

The enemy. The old devil. The evil one. Whatever you want to call him. He wins when we keep quiet.

He is so happy when we keep quiet. He sits back and watches us while we continue to be ashamed, discouraged and stuck in our past.

Stand up today and face the past scars, all the while remembering that God can and will use your story.

I will not allow the enemy to steal anymore of my life. I lived a life full of fear, anxiety and agoraphobia for over 30 years. My life has been a small fragment of what I know God intended for it to be, so from this day forward:

MY SCARS ARE FOR GOD’S GLORY.

Lord, I ask for you to reach down today and help those struggling with issues from their past or pain inflicted from someone else. Those scars are so deep into our souls at times we often don’t even know who we are anymore. We only see ourselves through the lens of our scars, yet YOU designed us to live beyond the pain of this life. You want us to live abundant, joyful lives according to your Word. John 10:10 ( I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.) God has promised in HIS Word that HE can do more than we can think or imagine. Nothing is beyond HIS control or repair..  Ephesians 3: 20 (God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.) MSG translation

Life is tough but as God’s children; we are tougher. I want to give you hope today that you can overcome whatever trials, fears, struggles, hurt or pain you are facing. God has done it for me in my own life and I know if HE can do it for me, then HE can do it for you as well.

Sending love and prayers your way today.

 

I WIN and YOU WIN