Freedom

Are you in Egypt?

This song resonates with me and the real shaking my family is currently facing.

I have  faced spiritual battles before in my own life; especially when it has come to my bondage and stronghold to fear, anxiety and agoraphobia. Yet, this battle is even more…

More painful.

More loss involved.

More on the line.

Lives. Families. Relationships. Sin. Eternal.

The song by Sara Groves has really spoke to my heart lately.

Life was comfortable before because I knew what the day was going to hold. I knew that I would be fearful, anxious and panic stricken in most every part of the day. The life I am living now is more uncomfortable, especially in the present day of such a spiritual attack on my life and the lives of those I love.

Yet, I know the past is closed off to me.

The past is so tangible. I know it by heart. Such powerful words from the song.. Oh, they speak to me. I knew the past by heart.

Familiar things are hard to discard. Oh My.. Yes.

I lived in such a path of darkness for so long. My eyes were covered by  fear. I felt I had no value to anyone. The ones that I so desperately wanted to love me, totally abandoned me and left me feeling worthless. Even though the familiar was unhappy, damaging and not the best God had for me, I stayed stuck.

Stuck because I didn’t feel worthy of any other life.

I was painting pictures of Egypt but none were coming true. The past had such a hold, yet the future seemed unattainable. I was stuck in the middle. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

I so desperately wanted to go, yet I hesitated. Fear continued to hold me back.

I was caught between the PROMISE and the things I knew.

One of the verses in this song says, ” But the places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I have learned. ”

I cannot explain how this song has spoke to my heart. Life changing.
Beyond words.

Did someone tell Sara Groves my story because it seems that this song was written just for me.

I so desperately wanted freedom from the past abuse, neglect, fear, anxiety and agoraphobia, but I saw no solution. Yet, God had bigger plans.

He set me free from anxiety, fear and agoraphobia in August 2012. After 40 years of living with this I am now free. Free to travel. Free to drive alone. Free to be happy, whole and ANGIE.

The timing was right for the Lord to heal me.

The song says, ” If it comes too quick I may not recognize it. ”

If God had done this tremendous work in my life 8 years ago, would I have been ready? Would I be in the place I am with my ministry? Would I be in a place where freedom would truly be mine?

I am not so sure. His timing was right, just as it always is.

Yesterday I  fasted, prayed and sought the Word and will of the Lord for the shaking and attack my family is currently under. So much pain. So many unanswered questions.

Yet, even when the shaking continues..

I will not let the enemy win and I certainly will not go back to the past life I once lived. I have come too far.

Prayer for you and me:

Lord, today I want to thank you for the many blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. I ask that you do the same for the reader. Help them to feel your love and your powerful healing touch for whatever they may be facing. Life is hard, yet we are over-comers with you on our side. Nothing can break the love you have for us as believers. We stand connected with you and the armies of angels surrounding us. Even when life feels like it is so painful, we continue to trust and believe in your better plan. We don’t see what you are doing behind the scenes, but you know the perfect time and place to have all the pieces fit together. Lord, help us to continue to trust, love and accept. Acceptance does not mean we are happy, but it does mean we know you are faithful to perfect all that concerns us and our loved ones. Lord, watch over and protect my family. We know the restoration, love and healing is possible. One day, I hope to be able to tell the full story of the restoring power of JESUS.

Linking up with :

More To Be

Little By Little

Same but different

How can three siblings be so different yet grew up in the same home?

I wonder.

scar

I know for me being the middle child, life was much different from it was for my other two siblings. One sister was 3 years older and then a baby brother was 11 years younger. I was a good kid who loved to read, ride her bike, play outside and play “office” in her room. I was quiet and shy much of my early years, which meant that my mom called me names from a very early age. “I was a “problem”. I was not ” normal”.  There had to be something “wrong” with me. Why was I so fearful? Why did I cry so much? Couldn’t I be like my sister? ”

From as early as 3 or 4 years old, this was my everyday life. We lived one way at home behind closed doors and another in public. Most of the extended family could see how I was treated but often was fearful of confronting the situation because of the possible distancing of me from them. Most felt that if they kept me close, then at least I could be protected on some level.

Most were wrong.
I was not protected.I was not safe.

I lived in fear each day of once again waking up to the nightmare, yet dreaded sleep even more. Sleep frightened me. Darkness overwhelmed me. Fear was my best friend. At least with fear I knew what to expect. I couldn’t say the same for my parents or siblings.

It is still that way today. I never know from one minute to the next what my “first” family will do today to try to hurt me or harm my 2nd family. The family that I so love is often hurt so deeply by the out reaching tentacles of the “crazy” ones.

Family that I wish loved me, as I love them

wanted me healthy, happy and whole, as I pray  for them

cherished my children, as I do theirs

wished the best for me,  as I do them.

But after reading Elisa Morgan’s newest book, ” The Beauty of Broken” I have come to the realization that we each have adapted to our raising and childhood in different ways. I had to leave that life from the day I turned 18, while the other two have stayed entrenched in that life. If I had not left, I would have lost myself even more. It took me until I was 46 years old to finally try to find ” Angie” and to really seek what God said about me. To block out what has been said about me by my first family. To believe I am worth more. To believe I am loved. Such hard truths to accept. Yet, I am on the road today.

I would have lost me if I had stayed any longer.

I would recommend this powerful book to anyone struggling in their own family. Elisa shares the ups and down of her childhood as well as her life as a mother, wife and the struggles of that family. Powerful reading and you will walk away looking at your relationships in a different light.

Side Note: When my dad passed away 12 years ago, my mother wanted everyone to write something on the pine box casket. My husband wrote, ” Dennis, thank you for giving me your wonderful daughter Angie to love and cherish. She is so special to me. ”

My mom went behind hubby and marked out the writing.

 

In Awe Today

YELLOW FLOWER FREE

Freedom is Sweet

Christ amazes me daily.

Today, a woman at our church told me that even when others would have given up in the face of such tragedy as mine, she was blessed to see my faith continue to stand.

I am in awe of God’s faithfulness to me and my family.

Even when the enemy continues to try and take my family in all form and fashion..

I will stand because I can look back and see HIS faithfulness and the healing HE has done in my life.

How about you?

Be thankful today. Remember where He has taken you from.

Linking up with Jumping Tandem,

Sandra Heskaking

Love Is Safe

Love is Safe

Do you agree with that statement?

I know personally that for years I truly believed that love was painful, hurtful and full of anger, yet over the last 30 years of being married to Mike, I have learned a different definition of love.

Oh, of course our story has not been perfect or free from hurt or pain, but I know the definition I have learned from being with Mike, is totally different from the “LOVE” my parents, siblings and other extended family has shown me.

Their love was exhibited in anger, abuse, neglect and damage to others I love or have loved.

This is not LOVE.. This is Hate and not anything I want to be a part of.

The love I have learned in the last 30 years will never make up for the lack of love and acceptance I didn’t receive in my childhood or teenage years, but a life well lived is often the best revenge.

I will not lose any more of my life to people that only wish to hurt me.

What are your views on this? Do you agree or are you a person that feels we are to stay connected to family no matter what they do or say?

I believe my life is so much better than theirs that they just cannot handle the reality of it.

I am not boasting.. I am just stating a fact.

They do not want me healed, happy or whole, yet God has called me out the past fear, anxiety, and agoraphobia just for that reason. I truly believe if God and I had not a “meet to” I would not be in the place I am in at this time. I probably would be dead due to the mental anguish I was constantly in because of the fear and anxiety.

God did a huge work in the life of a sinner when He healed me from the past abuse, neglect and fear, but when He told me ” You cannot go back”, I knew that I had to have boundaries.

Love is Safe.

Not perfect; Just safe.

Today, I want to offer you hope. Nothing you have faced in the past or even today is ever wasted, but I also know that God does not want me or you to keep going back to the “waste”, but to move forward to the place God has called us to be today. The past is over and all we have is today. You and I are both more than conquerors with Christ in our corner. I keep pushing forward and seeking the will of God. The enemy keeps trying but I keep fighting. How about you? Are you going to give up or keep fighting? Our God is bigger than anything the enemy can throw at us. Don’t forget that.. Fight and Win…

Where You Begin

Under the Weight of It All

I am breaking

Today, I am empty.

But today I will not allow the empty, broken feelings to become who I am.

Why would I allow the enemy to reach into my mind once again?

I am not a quitter and I am certainly stronger than anything this world can throw my way.

I may seem to be broken but I am redeemed by the power of Jesus Christ. He has set me free from anxiety, fear, abuse, neglect, dysfunction and  agoraphobia, so why would I quit now.??

Where You Begin Lord, is where I also where I begin. My life has not been easy on many levels, but I know that the past will not define my future.

Whether I am loved by my siblings and mother…

You Love Me..

My future is bright because the Lord has placed a call on my life to minister to others that struggle with fear, anxiety and agoraphobia. My life is not wasted and nothing I have dealt with will ever be wasted. God has a plan and His plan is for good in my life as well as the life of my husband, children and grandchildren.

Nothing is wasted.

I am worthy because God has called me worthy, loved, beautiful, chosen….

When God designed my birth family… there was issues, but even in that situation I have been an overcomer and survivor.

Once again, I will prove to those that want to beat me and my family down..

I will survive and we will always stand together. Nothing will ever change the reality of the past. But I will not allow the evil to define my future or the future of my children.

I am broken, empty and lost but it will be better tomorrow, and the next day and the next.

But their lives will still be the same..

Jealousy shows its ugly head once again.

Lord, today I want you to help me work on my heart. My heart is broken but it is not beyond repair. I have overcome so much and I know this is just another part of the story that must be played out. I know that the plans for me are for good. Romans 8:28. You see the hearts of those that are causing so much pain and damage to myself and my child.. You are the ultimate judge and jury. Hold them accountable but also hold me accountable for the heart I have. Keep my heart pure and true. Help me to forgive. Help me to be able to keep the boundaries in place and the safety measures in place. It breaks my heart that we as a family cannot be civil and kind to one another but this has been my life for so long I really know no other way.. Thankful today for the Godly man you gave me to love and be loved by for the last 30 years.

Linking back with:

More to Be

Rich Faith Rising

Heart Reflected

You Are Beautiful

God calls you beautiful.

Beauty is fleeting in the worlds standards, but in God’s eyes, you are beautiful. From the moment you were just a twinkle in your parents eyes, God has loved you.

He sees you perfectly beautiful, full of possibility and totally cherished.

God sees YOU.

The real you; not the YOU the world, friends or family has told you that YOU are or were.

God doesn’t see your past, nor does HE listen to the static words of what others have said to you or about you. No one else’s opinions matter to God, other than HIS own.

He understands that the words of the past often haunt you, but He doesn’t give your past any power because once we accept Jesus Christ into our hearts and lives; our past is as far as the east is to the west.  (Gone forever)

HE is the designer of YOU and YOUR potential.

You are beautiful

You Are Beautiful

Photo Credit:

P. J. Di Benedetto

Text added by Angie Webb

Don’t doubt your worth.

Trust God knew best when He created you.

Love yourself and always want the best.

Don’t settle for less than the best.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

Lord, I ask that you touch the reader today and help them to know their value in Your eyes. Help us to remember that You designed us perfectly beautiful. We are not mistakes nor are we the past we often tend to carry around behind us. We are set free to live our lives following in the call that You instilled in our hearts from the moment we were created. No person is lost in Your eyes. Each one hold value that is unmeasurable by the worlds standards; but we need to remember that our lives are to be lived by Your standard. Value. Purpose. Beautiful. Free. Happy. Making a difference.

Remember folks, WE WIN. The end of the story is already written and the enemy will not succeed in winning this battle. Stand strong and take the time to look in the mirror today to remind yourself: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Praying for each of you today.

HUGS and LOVE

Trusting in Him,

Angie

Linking with Woman to Woman

My Daily Walk In His Grace

Simply Beth

Scars Are Beautiful

Scars make us or break us.

Scars can change our outward appearance or change the deep recesses of our inner being, but regardless of the place the scars take place, God can and will provide healing if we reach out to HIM.

Scars have made me who I am today on many levels.

Scars from the pain of my childhood as well the wonderful benefits my childhood held. My childhood was not all bad or damaging, but sometimes the pain overrode the good.

Scars from life…

Scars from tragedies that have followed my family. ( Multiple suicides and the murder of my grandmother)

Scars from anxiety, overwhelming fear and eventual agoraphobia.

Can you relate?

I also have scars on my body from surgeries, accidents and just dumb mistakes that have changed my outward appearance.  Still, I  have to remember  even though I am not perfect physically, God still calls me beautiful. He doesn’t see the scars as negatives, but HE sees them as a positive because He knows those experiences taught me lessons I could not have learned any other way.

 

 

Scars make us into the people we are today; whether we want them to or not. Life can be tough and often we get beat up in the process of learning lessons and fighting the battles we must face.

Battles of everyday life but also the battles to overcome the damage others have inflicted upon us.

Yet, God never leaves us in the state of damage if seek HIM and HIS will for our lives.

We can and will overcome. Nothing is impossible with God.

For with God nothing will be impossible. Luke 1:37

Today, I want to offer you hope. God can use whatever path you have walked in this life; whether easy or tough. He wants to use your story to help someone else facing the same thing in their own life. If you keep quiet, who benefits from the losses you have faced?

The enemy. The old devil. The evil one. Whatever you want to call him. He wins when we keep quiet.

He is so happy when we keep quiet. He sits back and watches us while we continue to be ashamed, discouraged and stuck in our past.

Stand up today and face the past scars, all the while remembering that God can and will use your story.

I will not allow the enemy to steal anymore of my life. I lived a life full of fear, anxiety and agoraphobia for over 30 years. My life has been a small fragment of what I know God intended for it to be, so from this day forward:

MY SCARS ARE FOR GOD’S GLORY.

Lord, I ask for you to reach down today and help those struggling with issues from their past or pain inflicted from someone else. Those scars are so deep into our souls at times we often don’t even know who we are anymore. We only see ourselves through the lens of our scars, yet YOU designed us to live beyond the pain of this life. You want us to live abundant, joyful lives according to your Word. John 10:10 ( I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.) God has promised in HIS Word that HE can do more than we can think or imagine. Nothing is beyond HIS control or repair..  Ephesians 3: 20 (God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.) MSG translation

Life is tough but as God’s children; we are tougher. I want to give you hope today that you can overcome whatever trials, fears, struggles, hurt or pain you are facing. God has done it for me in my own life and I know if HE can do it for me, then HE can do it for you as well.

Sending love and prayers your way today.

 

I WIN and YOU WIN 

 

God’s Beautiful Plan

God's Beautiful Plan

Photo Courtesy of P.J. Di Bendetto
Text Added by Angie Webb

Our Christian faith is under fire today in this nation.

Our nation cannot find a common ground that will protect the citizens of America. We are living in a nation where the government is playing games, trying to control others and demanding their way. Childish games that are causing the American people to lose money, services and necessary help because of the child like actions of our national leaders.

Even in this trying time, we have to remember that our God is always in control, even when others are constantly wanting to strip away our God given rights as believers, we can stand strong in our convictions knowing that God has a beautiful plan even when we don’t understand.

Trust Believe Stand

My own personal life has had many tragedies, struggles, hurt, loss as well as everyday life challenges, but I look back and can now say that much of what I have faced in this life has been for my benefit even when I could not see the plan.

I would never wish the suicides/murder/abuse/loss/anxiety/fear/agoraphobia on my worst enemy, but when God allowed those struggles and pain to enter into my life, He must have had a plan for it all.

I recently told my friend, P.J. that if the only reason I went through such pain and struggle was to help one other person, then it has all been worth it.

On this side of heaven I may never understand the true PLAN, but when I reach the end of my life I hope to be able to say ” EVEN WHEN I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND, I STILL BELIEVED AND TRUSTED. ”

How about you?

Can you trust even when you don’t understand?
Can you see the positives even in the midst of the negatives?
Can you look at your past and see the redemptive work God has done in your life even in the midst of a mess?
Can you see God’s Beautiful Plan?

Today, I want to offer you hope. We may not understand the path our nation is currently on, but God is still in control. Our nation was founded on the Word of God and God still has the ultimate say in the final chapter. We have to continue to pray and seek God’s face and ask for our nation to be humbled.

We may face more heartache and pain before all is revealed, but we must STAND. God has the final say and He is in control of the plan.

Praying for you today. Be blessed and know that you are loved by a God who knows you by name.

Never Doubt God

NEVER DOUBT GOD
ANGIE WEBB

Doubting in life is so easy in today’s world when we look at the state of our nation. We no longer are a nation living UNDER GOD, but now we are a nation living under the control of many power hungry men and women.

These officials of the government do not seem to have our nations’ best interest at heart but often the interest of a select few or certain groups.

Doubt can set in very easily when we look to the government for our well-being, but we as believers in Christ, we must look to the one who has set the stars in place and chose to breathe life into each of us when we were still a twinkle in our parent’s eyes.

Doubting God is just not possible when we look at our own lives or the lives of others because we can see the sovereign hand working behind the scenes. Maybe it doesn’t look like it will all work out in our human minds, but God is not a human. He is all powerful, all sovereign and wants the best for His children. There may be times of pain, struggle and difficulty from point A to point B, but in the end it will work out just as God intended.

 

never doubt god

 

Photo Credit: P. J. Di Benedetto

I have been in many situations where I could not understand the process that God seemed to be taking me through. In my mind it was very simple how it should work out, but in the end it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, but God’s way ultimately was the best outcome. Hindsight allowed me to see the outcome differently. Even in loss of loved ones to suicide and murder or the life I have lived with anxiety, fear and agoraphobia; I can see the hand of GOD on my life.

God’s ways are not our ways, but whether you are facing a battle today or not, allow God to take control because He has your best interest at heart. He does not want you to doubt Him or His love.

Stand strong and face the day with a smile on your face.

Doubt is the enemies’ tactic to keep us bound to our flesh. We are more than conquerors according to Romans 8: 37.

In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

James 1:6
When you ask, you must believe and do not doubt because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Luke 24:38
Why are you trouble, and why do doubts rise in your minds?

God Is There

tunnel 2

Photo Credit: P. J. Di Benedetto

Text: by Angie Webb

God is There

Life is difficult at times, but even in the dark, God is there.

He is walking beside us, behind us and holding our hand all of the time.

We may feel like there is no one there or that no one understands the pain we are going through, but HE does.

He sent His son, Jesus to die on the cross for our sins..

God knew pain when He had to make that decision and He knows the pain we feel at times living in this earthly body, struggling with life day in and day out. The world is not gentle or kind at times, then on top of that you add relationships, job issues, financial issues, death of loved ones…. on and on.

Life is HARD but….

GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING WE FACE..

I can relate to pain, difficult relationships, loss of loved ones, job losses….

But I also know the reality of God intervening in my life and totally changing the situation I found myself in, whether it was a financial situation, job loss, a relationship trial.. God cannot raise a loved one from the dead, but He can and will give you the power and strength to move forward without that person. (Well, HE COULD)

I look back at my life over the last 20 years or so and my life contains some of the following:

Suicides of more than three members of our family

Murder of my grandmother by grandfather

Many new jobs and moving for those jobs

A break-in at our home while I was home at night

Abuse of a child

Friendship/ Relationship Issues

Trust Issues

Financial Issues

Anxiety/Fear/Agoraphobia overtaking my life

YET…

See what God has done in my life.

Freedom from anxiety, fear and agoraphobia.

I cannot change the loss of my family members, nor the abuse of my child or the relationships lost, but I am not willing to forget what God has done in my life. I wish many things had been different and the outcome was different, but I am going to remember that GOD WAS ALWAYS THERE..

Today, I want you to remember that GOD has never left you, nor will He ever leave you according to Deuteronomy 31:6.

  • Believe                                               
  • Trust
  • Heal