Lord, You have continued to walk beside me as I “go down to Egypt” and allow me to achieve more than I ever thought was imaginable. I know that this is only the beginning because Egypt is over and I am FREE..
I don’t know about you, but I am shocked and bewildered at times at how good God is to me. I know it doesn’t make sense for a child of God to doubt HIS goodness and faithfulness, but I have more than I care to admit. That is a normal thought process for a child and later an adult that basically has never had anyone in their lives that they could trust. Trust is often a by-product of having individuals in your life that love, protect, nurture, value and esteem you, but when you never have those aspects in your life; then trust does not come easily.
Yet, through my journey out of fear, anxiety and agoraphobia as well as the dysfunction of my biological family, I have learned so much more about myself, my God and my world than I could ever put into words. Believing in myself has the biggest bonus of “going down to EGYPT” and coming out of EGYPT.. I am by no means where I want to be, but I am so, so thankful that I am not where I was even a year ago. Less than 7 months ago, I went on my first family vacation in over 10 years because I had allowed my anxiety, fear and agoraphobia to control my life. WOW.. Now that was a sure fire way of stepping of out “My EGYPT” and coming full circle with putting my feet where my words and heart said I believed; IN GOD..
Oh, I had been a child of God since the age of 10 years old, but over time my life began to grow farther and farther from the total trust in God and HIS Word. Oh, I knew the Word, could quote the Word and believed it for everyone else, but why would GOD do those things for this “messed up, crazy person” as my parents and siblings had always said about me. I knew miracles still happened in our modern world but I did not believe that God would ever do such an amazing feat in my life because I did not believe that I was worth HIS time or that I would ever amount to anything in this life, so why would HE waste HIS time on me to help me step out of the controlling forces that hindered me from enjoying my life?????
I don’t know who I am talking to today but I want to offer you hope. Even when you feel like you have gone around the same mountain over and over; for 40 years, which I had done since I was 8 or 9 years old… Don’t give up. Keep going and keep connecting your WORDS from God to your feet. Step out and keep moving even if it one small step at a time. No one expects you to go and do everything the first day that maybe you haven’t done in years and years, but trust yourself today to do one small thing that you have avoided in the past. Go to the grocery store alone. Go to the park and sit on the park bench for 20 minutes. Go to the post office. I know for years I avoided those simple pleasures in life because I was afraid of being away from home. Afraid of living but more afraid of having a panic attack and not being in my “safe” place. Dear One, this is not living. This is surviving.. Do you really think God sent His SON, Jesus to die on the cross so we could and would only live a “small” life and a “safe” life?? NO He sent HIS SON, Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that we could live an abundant, full, peace-filled, happy, joyful, memory filled life. FRIEND, please hear me today.. JUST TRUST IN THE ONE TRUE GOD THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU, NOR FORSAKE YOU… TRUST IN YOURSELF TO FACE WHATEVER MAY COME, EVEN IN THE WORST SITUATIONS. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK. YOU ARE MORE SPECIAL THAN YOU BELIEVE AND YOU ARE WORTH MORE TO GOD THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW..
” Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. PLATO
” Necessity makes even the timid brave” Sallust
” There is no such thing as bravery, only degrees of fear.” John Wainwright
Precious Friend, Go out and be brave today. I totally understand how easy it is to say that but I totally believe you can take the step of faith and just do one thing today that you have been avoiding… Stay strong and love the ones you love.. Be fully present.