Life is Good…
I really never thought I would say that..
Sad, I know.
I have never been unhappy as such but I could never really say ” Life is Good”, yet that seems to be the place God has me in at this point in my life.
Growing up as a child, I had some really great times as a kid such as when my sister and I traveled on a plane to Virginia alone to see our distant family. Or the time my parents surprised us with a trip to Disneyworld, but then there were also many hard times growing up. Times full of fear, abuse, neglect, controlling parents, loneliness, as well as family dysfunction.
Life was just “life” back then and I really had no idea that there was any other type of life or family around other than my own. I lived in a way that I was not aware that there were issues in my own family or in my own life. I knew no different so my life was normal to me.
When I met my husband and we began dating, he noticed the problems right off the bat. He could see the dysfunction and the abuse very early on and went into protection mode at the young age of 16 years old. He was very protective of me when it came to the antics of my family towards me or children later on. I was so familiar with the dysfunction, the abuse, the control, it was very hard for me to separate myself from them or that life, yet I knew that I must for the sake of myself and our children.
Oh, it is hard to change when you have a pattern so deeply entrenched in your mind and heart.
I tried to separate myself, only to be drug back in on some level. The abuse continued whether through written letters, emails or texts or even physical threats to myself from my father or brother. I could not find the will to stop the cycle, yet I knew it was changing myself and my family for the worse.
On and on it went.
Well, after much abuse from physical assaults from my brother, sister-in-law as well as my father, as well as continued emails, written letters, phone calls, threats and on and on, I had enough.
Last year I really began the process of separating myself from the drama and the abuse of this very dysfunctional family.
Yes, they are my biological family but that does not mean I cannot change who I am and become the person God designed me to be from the moment I was just a twinkle in HIS eye.
That is where I am at today.
Continuing to Change
Fear has been overcome Anxiety is gone Agoraphobia is gone The past is in the past The future is on the horizon and looking so great.
I hope you will be encouraged today that no matter what type of family you grew up or the pathology of that family, YOU have a choice to make your life better.
Believe in Yourself even when no one else does. Change for Yourself even when no one thinks you can. Forgive for Yourself even when it seems impossible. Move Forward for Yourself even when it takes baby steps.
I know that I never felt like my life would ever be possible without fear and anxiety being my best friends, but I can say today that I have never felt more free in my whole life. (47 years) God is no respecter of persons, so if HE did it for me, then He can do it for you as well.