Ragged: Clothed in tattered garments; torn, worn, having loose shreds of fragments hanging. Dictionary.com
Ragged Edges falling Away; That is what I desperately need today. How about you? Have you felt ragged, lost, worn or torn apart from this life we continue to walk through. I know I have felt that way lately but there is not one specific reason; just life in general.
I feel ragged at times. (Lost. Worn. Torn. Having loose shreds hanging.)
One of the reasons is that my life has become so busy, that I have not had my time alone with God. Life has changed drastically for me in the last 3 weeks, with a new job opportunity which has caused my life to become more chaotic. I had previously been home for the last year, which has allowed me to write more, study more and also have time to work on my crafts. Yet, this employment has changed the free time I have available, so this has been an adjustment. (Lost Free Time)
This job is not necessarily a bad situation, just a different part of my life in this season. After being unemployed for over a year, the job was a tremendous blessing from God because it came totally out of left field. This opportunity was not a place I had previously applied, yet through different people in my community, someone recommended me and then I got offered the job. God works in mysterious ways and for that I am very thankful.
Another reason I have felt ragged is the fact that I feel disconnected from my friends and family due to the changes in my free time. Before, I had the opportunity to connect all day with friends, family and other ministries, bloggers etc. I feel disconnected from it all..
Ragged feelings of loss and I seem to have pieces of myself laying along the road waiting for it all to come back together. Pieces of my heart. Pieces of my soul as well as pieces of my mind. I feel disjumbled and I just need to have the ragged edges of the days, weeks, months and years to fade away and for the Lord to restore me to the beautiful person He originally called me to be. I feel like I have lived in a place of being ragged long enough, don’t you think? Fear, anxiety and agoraphobia, as well as years of emotional abuse, have led me to feel ragged, lost, and worn, yet over the last year, God has done a tremendous work in my heart, soul and mind. Freedom is possible and I can sense my life changing in dramatic ways; yet the unknown is always scary.
Today, I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself from a year ago. My journey toward healing, forgivness and peace after 47 years of living with fear, anxiety and panic disorder as well as agoraphobia, I see a person emerging that I have never seen before, yet there are still pieces hanging off of me, pieces that need to find their proper place and order in the scheme of things. The bubble is slowly popping and the pieces are slowly finding their correct place in my mind, heart and soul, yet there are still some ragged edges that must fall away for me to be whole, complete and totally FREE.
(MY TATTOO )
Next week my mom is going to counseling with me. This is her idea, which I know it needs to be done so she understands the years of struggle on my part and the parts she and my family played in the struggles. No blame will be placed, yet there has to be a time and place for the words of pain to be spoken so there can be words of healing hopefully spoken as well. I am not sure if that will happen in this session or if there will be other sessions, but I am praying that God will prepare both of our hearts for this session.
I know that God has a plan for the end and beginning, as well as all of the in-betweens. Without Him, I would not be where I am today in my journey.
Please allow me to pray for you:
Lord, help each one reading this today. Allow the ragged edges to fall away; slowly or quickly. Help us to come back to the original design you called us to be in this world. Help us to not lose sight of our own walk due to all of the demands on our own lives and in helping others. Sometimes it is so easy to lose sight of YOUR plan because we as humans try to work OUR plan. Ragged edges and worn lives then become our normal because we are walking in areas of this life you have not called us to.. Ragged edges, please fall away today.. We thank you, Lord for all of your many blessings and for the continued work you do in each of our lives. Draw us closer to YOU and draw us closer to those we love. Amen